Final Update

April 21, 2010

Due to many circumstances in my life (check out Onegai Blog for further details) AMR/NNW will henceforth be closing. For those who were following the story (prolly only one person, two if I’m really lucky), I appologise to have not completed it (I will actually finish it in the future but it won’t be appearing on this blog). Here is a plot summary that will hopefully give you some closure.

Mr and Chief Editor successfully infiltrate the alien base. After a lengthy period of wandering about fighting bosses and solving puzzles they finally reach the room where the weapon to destroy Earth is located. Unable to shut it down, they are forced to destroy it (I was going to parody Metal Gear Solid during this phase of the story, hence the AMR logo).

Eventually they get back to Earth and all ends well. The NNW news team get back together with Chief Editor and they form a new newspaper (Name not yet decided). The final post of this story involves issue #1 of the new newspaper.

So that’s basically what would have happened. See, unlike certain cancelled comics and TV series I have the decency to end things with a plot analysis of what would have been rather than just quickly do a shitty ending in the last issue/episode.

Well,  I enjoyed writing bullshit and having people read it but, as they say, all good things must come to an end. Cheers.



Talks with alien leaders fails

February 26, 2010

Despite the best efforts of both Mr and Chief Editor, the aliens have refused to see reason. Negotiations ended abruptly last night at 100:76 SGMT (Standard Glaxy Mean Time) with the alien leader instructing Mr and Chief Editor to leave immediately.

Although seemingly compliant with the aliens’ wishes, Mr and Chief Editor decided to instead infiltrate the alien base where the weapon that will be used to destroy Earth is being held.

There are two entrance points; one in the north side and one in the south side. Mr has decided to take the north while Chief Editor has decided to take the south. The two must now sneak in unnoticed. They have two objectives. Firstly, they must find out what the weapon is and secondly, they must attempt to disarm or destroy it. We will be praying for their safety…


February 19, 2010

Letters

February 19, 2010

Ho, ho, ho! I see Chief Editor has defeated Zordith. My congratulations. But I must just warn you and Mr that a greater threat looms involving the Xeraxios. As always, I can offer you two only information as I do not involve myself in mortal affairs. If you wish to know more, meet me at the usual place. The Watcher (Letter)

Dear Watcher. I must thank you for this letter and the information you provided ten days ago. I wish you all the best in you new life should the situation turn ugly – Chief Editor.

NNW, I just wanna say that I’m really disappointed. How the hell can an online newspaper run out of ink? Lame excuse, man! Jeffrey (Letter)

Dear Jeffrey, all kinds of things have been going on lately. Things that don’t make sense. Just realise you live in a small world of illusions. Once you realise that the laws of physics are nothing more than a farce, then you will understand that an online paper running out of ink is perfectly normal.

Hey guys, great paper. Was wondering if you could have a classifieds section since I don’t like buying one of your competitors’ papers to job-hunt. Darren (Letter)

Dear Darren. Sadly I no longer think that’s viable. Read the rest of the paper and you’ll find out why.

I’m writing in to make a complaint against the fact that my letters have never been published. Every week I’ve been writing in to complement Jacksonia’s Paperclips on their fine selection of paperclips and every week my letter is nowhere to be found. Enid (Email)

Dear Enid. The world is in turmoil. If paperclips are all you can think about, then you need a life.

“Mr” and “Chief Editor” reveal final plan

February 19, 2010

The last few months have been filled with turmoil. From NNW’s bombing to alien landings to Mr revealing that Earth is under threat. But despite the best efforts of so many it seems that Pandemonium cannot be avoided. That is why Mr and Chief Editor have decided to take matters into their own hands.

At a press conference recently, Mr announced the following, “It seems that humanity refuses to see the light. They continue on their path of destruction – that of space travel. In spite of the looming threat posed by the aliens, Earth will not yield. Thus the Xeraxios have now decided that the only way to contain the threat which is mankind is total eradication of our species. Therefore my comrade and I have decided to head off to the aliens’ home world. In the meanwhile, I’ll leave Onegai Blog in the capable hands of a good and trusted friend.”

A day later, at a press conference in the same venue, Chief Editor confirmed what we had all suspected for so long; that he and Mr had an alliance of sorts. “It is time to reveal my role in all of this. Yes Mr and I have an alliance. The truth is that we, along with Zordith who sadly turned to the dark side, have lived hundreds of years. Our sole purpose has been to protect humanity and up until now we have succeeded. But alas, we can no longer control the actions of man. Thus we must seek out the aliens and, if no other option is available, defeat them. The two of us shall be departing on Saturday. I’ll once again be leaving NNW in the capable hands of its staff,” Chief Editor explained.

It seems almost like we are caught in some sort of science fiction drama. To think that all this time people had been living among us who were our protectors and guardians with seemingly indefinite life spans. And to think that now the last two of those guardians plan to depart from Earth in order to defeat an alien threat that we created. It is truly humbling. But at the same time the sheer uncertainty terrifies us. What will become of Earth should Mr and Chief Editor fail?

NNW “the newspaper” says goodbye

February 19, 2010

Perhaps running out of ink two weeks ago was an omen. Who knows and, quite honestly, at this point who cares? All we do know is that our beloved Chief Editor must once again leave us and this time he’s bound for a planet thousands of light years away. His only companion will be the mysterious Mr, a man who has been subtly manipulating things here on Earth for years. Sadly, both Mr and Chief Editor’s mission to protect humanity from itself has failed. All thanks to Zimbabwe’s hostile treatment of an alien race, the Xeraxios, that landed on Earth some months back and our constant determination as a species to conquer the final frontier. Now the Xeraxios have officially decided to eradicate humanity and perhaps they’re even justified.

Due to these recent events, our NNW staff have unanimously decided that NNW shall no longer serve as a newspaper but instead a go-between to keep everyone on Earth informed, no matter the day or time, whenever there is anything to report of the progress of our last and only two champions. We shall no longer be known as NNW but instead as Alien Mission Reporter (AMR).

We may no longer be a newspaper, but we shall still bring you the truth and keep you all informed to the bitter end – even as Armageddon commences. For our readers, for our Chief Editor, for Mr and for the people of Earth. This is the final official edition of NNW.

February 4, 2010

NNW is out of ink

February 4, 2010

It seems the worst has happened here at NNW. With literally hours to press, we’ve completely run out of i