Two days ago, unlike what was always expected, an alien shuttle landed in Harare, Zimbabwe. Currently, there has been no direct contact between the aliens and the rest of the world although President Robert Mugabe’s office has issued a statement regarding the arrival of this new race. According to Mugabe’s office, ‘The aliens are being treated for gunshot wounds which they accidentally sustained whilst disembarking from their ship. What happened was that at that exact time, we were firing upon an angry mob of MDC supporters who wished to harm the aliens. The aliens, all twenty of them, slipped and fell backwards into our line of fire. They are being treated in a private medical facility and their leader has issued this statement: “We, the aliens that landed here, wish to congratulate Mr Mugabe’s smooth running of things and expedient handling of this crisis involving our terrible accident. We do not in anyway hold Mr Mugabe or his associates responsible.” We are not prepared to allow anybody to visit the aliens because their health is in jeopardy. We will be open to negotiation once the aliens have fully recovered.’
South Africa, one of Zimbabwe’s neighbours is up in arms already as many believe this situation could become hostile. At an anti-alien rally yesterday Julius Malema, ANC Youth League President issued this statement: ‘This is a dangerous time! If these aliens are landing in Zimbabwe, then it means they must be friends of Mugabe. He is treating them in his private hospital. Maybe they can try to take over Africa with their friend Mugabe… But these aliens must know we don’t want them in South Africa. We don’t want them to be putting things in our bum. We don’t want them to be giving our children those pointy ears… And where are all the white South Africans? Why are they not here to protest? Maybe they like the aliens. Maybe they watch too much Star Wars… We must fight together if the aliens come here. We must take up our spears as our fathers did. This is the new freedom struggle.’
Pressure is mounting in the United States as a group calling themselves “The Believers” are protesting angrily at the alien’s choice not to make contact on American soil. Spokesperson John Jacobs says ‘It’s an insult to the American way. We have devoted years to trying to prove their existence at our own expense. We have been laughed at and ridiculed by family and friends. The least they could have done was show some appreciation for the sacrifices we made.’ The Believers group has also threatened to cease believing in aliens should they fail to send another ship down to land on American soil within a week. ‘We will also halt the production of all our “I believe” shirts and bumper stickers for the time being,’ says Jacobs.
Religious leaders too, are in a frenzy and most have refused to comment. The pope did however make one brief statement: ‘It is clear that the devil has created these creatures to confuse us. We must remain strong now more than ever as this is the sign that will mark the beginning of end times.’
It is unclear as to which direction this conflict will take but analysts are concerned about the other possible consequences once the aliens go fully public. ‘Their presence may cause people to lose interest in science fiction regarding aliens. This could have untold ramifications on the entertainment business,’ Kathy Peters, chief entertainment analyst says.
What ever the outcome may be, there is still no guarantee that the aliens will even make a public appearance. For now, the global populace is in suspense, awaiting the conclusion to this event.
Not The News Weekly 